Throughout my career in education I have been fascinated by what makes some families happy, healthy and well-functioning, while others are wrought with discord and disharmony. The same applies for any community, including schools. Some schools are happy places (and I am blessed to be part of one!) whereas others seem somewhat devoid of soul in their endless pursuit of results above everything. What is it that separates a disjointed community (including families) from a harmonious one? I am mindful that the answer to this question is multi-layered, however I am certain that true community cannot be achieved if one vital ingredient is missing authentic, presence. I say authentic presence because it implies so much more than simply being physically present. It is in fact multidimensional and enhances the purpose, quality and depth of the relationships you have with others, especially with your child/children.
Eckhart Tolle describes presence as “a still and alert attention, a type of consciousness which causes you to awaken to yourself and to the other in your relationships.” In this sense, presence means more than simply ‘being there’ but implies a sacred stillness in which by sharing your presence with others, and others sharing their presence with you, you free yourself from your own ego and desires and give the opportunity for authentic relationships to develop. Parents face a difficult challenge in the busy 21st century with all its stress and demands. Yet, in these busy times, how often do you show authentic presence to your child? Now remember, when I talk of authentic presence I’m not asking how often you are with your child. You can be watching a movie, sitting in the lounge together or eating dinner and not be authentically present in the least. So, the question is, when last did you bring your ‘whole’ self to interact with your child; where you listened, took a deep interest and where the
rest of the world did not matter in that moment of time because all that mattered was your child? Sadly, in most schools we have many children who I could at best describe as ‘social orphans’ – they are fed and clothed, and given all they need to lead a supposedly normal existence, yet their parents are completely absent to their emotional and spiritual needs. Children yearn for acknowledgement, recognition and affirmation, and this MUST come from the home, first and foremost. A line from the film, ‘Shall We Dance’ sums this up:
"Everybody needs someone to witness their lives."
Eckhart Tolle describes presence as “a still and alert attention, a type of consciousness which causes you to awaken to yourself and to the other in your relationships.” In this sense, presence means more than simply ‘being there’ but implies a sacred stillness in which by sharing your presence with others, and others sharing their presence with you, you free yourself from your own ego and desires and give the opportunity for authentic relationships to develop. Parents face a difficult challenge in the busy 21st century with all its stress and demands. Yet, in these busy times, how often do you show authentic presence to your child? Now remember, when I talk of authentic presence I’m not asking how often you are with your child. You can be watching a movie, sitting in the lounge together or eating dinner and not be authentically present in the least. So, the question is, when last did you bring your ‘whole’ self to interact with your child; where you listened, took a deep interest and where the
rest of the world did not matter in that moment of time because all that mattered was your child? Sadly, in most schools we have many children who I could at best describe as ‘social orphans’ – they are fed and clothed, and given all they need to lead a supposedly normal existence, yet their parents are completely absent to their emotional and spiritual needs. Children yearn for acknowledgement, recognition and affirmation, and this MUST come from the home, first and foremost. A line from the film, ‘Shall We Dance’ sums this up:
"Everybody needs someone to witness their lives."
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